I'm a mess

So, I thought I was doing ok. I thought "hey, I'm handling this, what's wrong with me"

I think though. That because my middle son's birthday was thursday it was like a 'block' in a way. Something to concentrate on. I didn't want to be sad for his birthday.

So we got thru it. He had a great day.

Friday, was ok. Unmotivated, sitting around. I went to the nursery to try to find a tree and pot to plant with Owen's placenta, but just couldn't find anything. I don't want to get something just for the sake of getting it. I want to find the perfect ones. So I left empty handed (again).

Then we get to today. I'm moody, I'm sad, I'm angry.. Started bawling my eyes out in the middle of Coles today. I have been crying at the drop of a hat..

How am I going to get thru tomorrow. I want it to be so special for Owen. It's so hard to think about. He should be here, but he's not, and I HATE that.. We should be planning a happy day, lots of presents and fun etc. I will just be trying to get thru the day..