Today I was reading a forum I am a member on. I decided to go back and look at the thread I started after Owen was born.
It's been a long time since I went into that thread. It was his birth story. I wanted to share with a wonderful group of women our story when he was born. It was such a shock to us loosing Owen, and it was such a shock to the girls on the forum too.
It was lovely to read back over the comments I recieved after his birth. It's amazing to see how wonderful, supportive and loving a group of women can be. Women who I have never met in real life. Women who some of them have been around when I got married, have been there when I had 2 of my children, and women who are there for one of the hardest moments of my life.
I don't think these women could ever understand the depth of my gratitude for them. With there love and support I have found a way to live. It's been hard, but knowing that they were there, that I could post anything, even if it wasn't all flowers and happiness, and post without being judged.
I have made some wonderful friendships thru the forum aswell. Friendships I will treasure for the rest of my life, and friendships I know will last the rest of my life.
It really makes you stop and think about things doesn't it? How wonderful, supportive and giving people can be, even when you don't "know" them. Thru the worst possible time in your life, sometimes there is a little glimmer of light. It may be hard to see at first, but eventually you will see. This lesson I have learnt.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
6 months
Today is 6 months since my beautiful baby boy was born.
6 months without him here in my arms.
I still sleep with his blanket every night. It doesn't smell like him anymore, it hasn't for a long time. I just like to have something of him close to me, like he would have been if he was here.
I think about him constantly. We talk about him all the time. He drops in for a play sometimes.
Just last week, Indi and I were playing and talking (babbling) to each other. Then all of a sudden she said "Owie".
I said "where is Owie? Is he here?"
and she pointed to a space next to me. I cried. She came up and gave me a cuddle.
I love that she can see him. I have to believe she can.
We are going to go and visit him this afternoon, after I get the kids from school.
We are also going to go to visit my older 2 children's 'mummy in heaven' aswell. Today is the 8 yr anniversary of her death. So we are going to get some flowers and go and see them both.
6 months without him here in my arms.
I still sleep with his blanket every night. It doesn't smell like him anymore, it hasn't for a long time. I just like to have something of him close to me, like he would have been if he was here.
I think about him constantly. We talk about him all the time. He drops in for a play sometimes.
Just last week, Indi and I were playing and talking (babbling) to each other. Then all of a sudden she said "Owie".
I said "where is Owie? Is he here?"
and she pointed to a space next to me. I cried. She came up and gave me a cuddle.
I love that she can see him. I have to believe she can.
We are going to go and visit him this afternoon, after I get the kids from school.
We are also going to go to visit my older 2 children's 'mummy in heaven' aswell. Today is the 8 yr anniversary of her death. So we are going to get some flowers and go and see them both.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wanting the positives
I know I have been pretty quiet so far this year.
I want to be positive this year. It's going to be a great year. I am looking forward to it.
I know Owen wouldn't want me to be so sad anymore. I miss him everyday and often think of him or even talk to him. Indi and I say nitey nite and hello at her sleep times. We walk past a collage of photos of him on the way to her bedroom. She blow's him a kids and says "lub you Owie".
I think he is here helping his mummy at the moment, and I love him for helping me to try to live again. I will get thru this pain and make him proud of me.
I want to be positive this year. It's going to be a great year. I am looking forward to it.
I know Owen wouldn't want me to be so sad anymore. I miss him everyday and often think of him or even talk to him. Indi and I say nitey nite and hello at her sleep times. We walk past a collage of photos of him on the way to her bedroom. She blow's him a kids and says "lub you Owie".
I think he is here helping his mummy at the moment, and I love him for helping me to try to live again. I will get thru this pain and make him proud of me.
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