Merry Christmas Owen

I can't believe we are at christmas time already. Another year is nearly over. They just all fly by way too quickly these days.

We all went to visit Owen a week or so ago, and put up his christmas decorations and had a little visit with him.  The kids were really beautiful and made sure he had all his decorations just right.

They had even made him some special decorations that we hung in the branches around and near him. We each wished him a Merry Christmas and said we would be back on Christmas eve to visit.

We also hung our personal baubles on the tree. We had been waiting to put them up until we had Tabitha's. Once we did, the kids were quick to get them all out and make sure we had Owen's all ready to go up aswell.

I can't believe it will be another christmas without our baby boy, but am so blessed to have such wonderful children who still remember him, and include him in everything.

It's that time of year again.

I can't believe we are now in december. It just seems so crazy that this year has flown by so quickly.

The christmas tree is up, the kids had so much fun decorating it. They get so into it.

This year is also the first year we have christmas lights on out the front of the house. They ohhh'd and ahhh'd when they got turned on. If it wasn't raining so much at the moment I am sure they would be out the front every night just sitting in the yard and looking at them. And I must admit, my hubby and my dad did a great job. Hopefully the weather fines up so we can spend some time out there at night. It's a really beautiful place.

It really warms my heart, that with all the christmas joy and spirit going around my kids haven't forgotten about their baby brother.

We went to get their photo taken with santa. Last year we had a little red star with Owen's name written on it (a very dear friend gave me this last year (thanks Kris xx)). We took it with us and one of the kids held Owen's star for the photo. It was their way of having him in the photo with them.

This year, we didn't have the star with us (silly mummy :-( ), but they asked if they could wear my necklace and my husbands, it has Owen's fingerprint on it.

They then sat their with santa and had their photo taken, then told santa all about their baby brother.. <3

School Holiday...

It's the second day of the school holidays. It's raining, the kids are stuck inside, this weather plays havoc with them. They are all over the place.. Just what I need coming up to 38wks. 

I was talking to my sis yesterday and said "I have an uncanny knack of being in my later pregnancy for school holidays". It was the same with Owen. lol.. 

Although I am LOVING this weather, I do occasionally wish for the sun to shine just enough for the kids to go outside and run off all there energy. Then it can rain again. 

Owen's Birthday

So Sunday just gone, was Owen's 1st Birthday, and what a day.

We got up nice and early. My husband was singing happy birthday to Owen, and each time one of the kids came down and out to us downstairs he would yell "happy birthday Owen", to which the kids would yell the same.  I couldn't get as quite into it as they were, but I was just glad that they were having a nice day and not too sad.

Once we were all ready, we went up to the cemetry to visit and wish our boy happy birthday. We were armed with butterflies, teddies and a tigger balloon. The kids each handmade a birthday card for Owen, that we decided would stay here in his special keepsake box. They each did such a good job and wrote some beautiful and touching things inside.

We were blessed with such a gorgeous day. There was not a cloud in the sky, the sun was out and gorgeous and it was just right. Not too cold for winter, but not warm either. Just perfect (I think Owen might have had a hand in that).  :)

Here's a few pics

When we got there, Jay (my eldest) and Indi went up to see Owen. In this pic Indi is blowing Owen a kiss.

All our kids together (including my god son)

Me placeing some of his presents down with him.

Owen with his some of his presents..

We decided to have a butterfly release for Owen for his birthday. I have loved butterflies since I was a little girl, and I felt this was something we could share.

We went to pick up the butterflies the day before.

In this picture I have just handed each of the kids there butterfly to open and release.

We didn't get a picture of the kids releasing them, because they were just to fast. lol

We did get Indi releasing here (mainly because I was there to help her :)  )

she was so fascinated by it. She loves butterflies aswell.











The butterfly I released, then flew to a near by plant and stayed there for a while. When I went over to it, it still stayed, so I put my finger out under it, and it sat on my finger for a while, before then flying off.. It was so so beautiful. Maybe my baby boy was there with us. I really hope so.

In the afternoon, I had asked our family and very close friends to come to a get together in the park down the street. Just an afternoon tea. It was beautiful. There was a playground for all the kids to play in and run around and be crazy like kids do, like Owen would have wanted to do also.

I had arranged to get a mixture of blue balloons for each of the children that were there, so they could each release a balloon for Owen.

We went out to an open area of the park, I gave all the kids a balloon each. I counted to 3, we all yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY OWEN" and then the balloons were released.

Such a beautiful day. The only thing that could have made it better would to have had our boy with us in our arms.

Happy Birthday baby boy. We miss you so much everyday, but I know you couldn't stay with us as much as it hurts.
I hope you are looking over us and proud of what we have done.
I hope you had a great birthday and had a big party celebrating with the other angels in heaven.

Love you forever and always.

Until the day we meet again and I can hold you in my arms..
Mummy xxxxx

So angry

Today I've woken up with so much anger.

I'm angry at the world, at my husband, at everyone and everything. I am pushing people away and I dont' know how to stop.

I just found out that my 2 boys were throwing some of Owen's toys at each other and I just completely blew up. I couldn't control it. I can't believe that they did it really. All his things are in the corner of the room out of the way, but still in a place that is seen by everyone, especially me.

My husbands response. "Maybe you should pack them away than".

WTF. No way. I am not ready to do that. His things are all I have. I was never able to bring him home and this is all I have.

I just miss him so much. Will the hurting ever stop ?????