Owen's journey Earthside

Where to start? I have no idea. This is the first time I have ever had a blog or even contemplated having one.

I thought maybe starting a blog may help me heal. To get my thoughts and feelings down. And maybe there are others out there going thru what I am or will do in the future (not that I wish it on anyone).

My story started just over 3 weeks ago. I was pregnant with our 5th child. I was 43wks + 2 days pregnant. All was well and bubby was happy and healthy as all scans and monitoring had pointed too. We were planning a beautiful and peaceful Homebirth.

A quick run down.

On friday 7th August 2009, my labour was starting, all by itself. (after having 2 previous c-sections I was overjoyed that my body was doing this). Surges were coming every hr or more, and I was stoked. They continued and went into the night getting closer. YAY!!

Saturday 8th August 2009. This is it. Surges were coming regularly and closer together. My baby was making it's way to us. I laboured all day, having showers when needed. at 11am, the birth pool was getting filled and I was ready for a swim.

In and out of the pool all day whilst having surges. I was in my element. Being surrounded by my husband, my best friend and our midwives. My youngest daughter was coming in and out of the room, checking out the going ons. It truly was a beautiful time. Labouring in my pool with the support that I needed... I can do this... I AM doing this...

At about 10pm, it was noticed that bubs heartrate had decreased. We decided it was safest and best to transfer to hospital. I was also checked at this point and was found to be 7cm dialated. My midwife called the ambulance and the hospital to let them know what was happening and we were coming in. In this time I was lying on the floor, and all of a sudden I was pushing. It was probably about 20mins that I went from 7cm to fully dialated. I didn't even realise. I pushed all the way to hospital (at one point my midwife thought bub would be born in the ambulance).

My beautiful little Owen Edward was born sleeping at 11.42pm on Saturday 8th August 2009, weighing 7lb 5oz. We had a baby boy.

Owen was born without a heartbeat. I am still in shock and finding it hard to come to terms with as they monitored him with the doppler just before he was born and did have a heart beat, and then to be born without one at all. There are no words......

My babies all together

My beautiful baby boy. We will never forget you and I will love you for always. Mummy and Daddy miss you so much, as do your brothers and sisters. We talk about you and I know that as time moves on and our healing continues we will be able to talk about you more and more. My heart aches knowing you couldn't stay with us here on earth, but I know you are with us all for now and always.

I love you my little Owen. xxxxxxx