How am I doing?

Well, the time is coming very close now. 

I'm 37wks. I can't believe it. This pregnancy really has seemed to have just flown by.. One minute I'm sitting there thinking I have all the time in the world. Then I stop. I think about it. "oh crap, it's here".

How am I doing?

I guess that depends on the day. Somedays I am good, actually most days I am good. I feel good, bubby feels good. I'm just pottering along enjoying everything. 

But then, I have one of 'those' days. 

Like yesterday. I was sad, angry, depressed, felt panic'd, anxious. I'm trying to stop the 'what if's' on these days. I have to believe everything will be ok. We will be ok. I WILL have a happy, healthy, breathing baby at the end of our labour. Bub will simply slide out, peacefully earthside, I will recieve bub, bring bubby up to me and just breath it in and enjoy. I HAVE to believe this will happen. I am visualizing away. 

It's going to be amazing and I can't wait for the warm yummy cuddles. 

Counselling

I know people are just trying to help, but I am so sick of hearing the words "have you had counselling yet".

Seriously I have only just lost my baby boy 3.5weeks ago, counselling is the last thing I am thinking about at the moment. Just getting thru each day is hard enough.

How is counselling suppose to help me, has that person been in my situation and lost a child, how can they help, how can they understand if they haven't had this happen to them. In my opinion they can't, all they will do is sit there and listen, and to be honest. I can't even put into words how I am feeling to my husband. I can't even do it without crying. How am I suppose to talk to some complete stranger about my feelings. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But I know, right now. I am not ready to see a counsellor.