If it wasn't for my children, I highly doubt that I would get up everyday and continue with life. A Life without my youngest son Owen. For ME, my kids are the ones keeping me from staying in the "big black hole", that is so easy to fall into.
This weekend, Saturday was a bit of a quiet day. I was sitting in my corner of the lounge room with the music channel on. Owen's song "last day on earth, by Kate Miller-Heidke" came on. Everytime I hear this song, I don't care where I am, or how much it hurts. I listen to it. I turn it up and Listen and remember my sweet little boy. The words are so true for me.
So I was sitting here, listening, and watching. My eldest daughter, Ashlee, heard it on and came out to sit and watch "Owen's song". Listening to it. I started to cry (like I do every time). She saw me crying, and Adam rubbing my back. She walked over to me, and gave me a big hug and a kiss. She didn't say anything. She didn't need to. Next thing I know, she must have gone out to the other room and told my son Mackenzie to come in and give me a hug. He walked in and saw me, bent over and gave me a kiss and cuddle. Indianna was hot on his heals, she looked up at me, put her arms up in the air for me to pick her up. I picked her up and sat her on my lap. She turned to look at me, put her arms around me and patted and rubbed my back. Bear in mind, Indianna in only 19mths old. I tell you, children can sense so many things.
My children were my saviours on Saturday.
Today, Sunday. We went on a road trip to Maryborough. My nana is very sick and we aren't sure how much longer she is going to be with us. So I wanted to go and see her. It was a nice trip, with the family.
On the way home, we stopped for hubby to get a coffee. He told the kids to hop out and stretch their legs before we hit the road again. So I look over at the kids to see what they are up to. And there they all are, my 3 eldest "stretching there legs" like they are about to do exercise or run a race.
I laughed so much. I good belly laugh. These haven't happened much at all over the last 9 weeks. (Actually I would be able to count on one hand and still have fingers left free of how many times I have had a good laugh.) It was hilarious.
My children. They are my reason for not going too deeply into that "big black hole".
My children are what saved me too. I had to get out of bed and still be their mommy even though my babies had died. However, sometimes I find it hard to be a good mom to them and grieve all at the same time. ALL of your children sound so special. xx
ReplyDeleteMelissa you are so right, it is amazing what children can sense. My son was the biggest comfort after my miscarriage. He just seemed to know what I needed. Your children are precious caring little people, a testiment to their wonderful parents no doubt.
ReplyDeleteThat song has a special place in my heart too. I am the same and always stop and listen, remembering my little angel. It's a beautiful song, so poignant.
Much love to you and your family.