Owen's visit

Yesterday I had a reading done with a clairvoient. I was desperately hoping Owen would be there. I have been so afraid and upset at the thought that he is angry, upset or blamed me for this happening. It has been on my mind so often.

The reading was great. She used Tarot cards this time, and it was all so accurate.

But the thing that sticks out the most to me is that my little boy was there. I cried when she started to describe what she was seeing/being told. It was my Owen. He was there with us.

She described him perfectly. Even describing things that I, Adam or the kids did when he was in my belly. I still just can't believe he was there. He loved when Adam would rub my tummy and cuddle him, and when the kids would kids and cuddle him thru my belly. She said he remembers this all the time, and really loved it.

She described him being very little (which he was), and frail. She told me even if he had of survived labour he wouldn't have been with us very long as he was very sick. I asked if anything would have changed if I had him earlier, to which she said no. He may have been with us for a couple of weeks, but this was his path. She mentioned how long he had held on and stayed with my in my tummy for, and said that he was very happy in there and was prolonging his time with me. God I'm crying now just talking about it. He's not angry with me, and doesn't blame me at all. He told me there was nothing I could have done to change him leaving us. Still breaks my heart to know that, but I am so glad I got to meet him.

He did mention to her that he wants his picture on our wall. I have his twinkle toes here with all his clothes, toys, keepsakes and beautiful things we have been sent. It is all in the loungeroom in my area I had set up as our birthing space. I had to laugh that he mentioned this. I have been just trying to find the right place to put it up.

He is my angel. I have learnt alot from him. I have learnt to have more patience. I have learnt to believe in myself and my body, to trust myself. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to. And while some days it is hard to remember these things, I will try to remember this always. Even on my darkest days when nothing helps to ease my pain. I will never forget my beautiful sweet boy.