I'm lying here in bed. Another night of not sleeping. Seems to be my life now. I use to be an 'in bed by 9.30pm' kind of girl. Now, it's 12.06 and I am fully awake. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is my precious boy.
Tonight when I close my eyes to 'try' to go to sleep, I see my babies funeral. Sitting there and looking at his tiny casket with all his toys around him. Having to walk away at the end. Bloody hell, I cry again now just writing about it. I hated leaving him there.
I hate that he was taken away from me. I hate this. This feeling of loss, of grief, of emptiness, I think feeling numb too. I know I have my husband, children, family and friends. I know this, but it doesn't take those feeling away.
I miss my youngest son. I miss my baby. I want him back. I want this all just be a bad dream and to wake up now. I don't want to do this anymore.
PLEASE JUST LET ME WAKE UP NOW!
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