Tomorrow, at 10am. We are having Owen's Internment Service. We are placing my baby boy in the ground. His headstone is already there and ready and waiting for him.
Why am I struggling?
Because I'm not sure if I am ready to let go. It feels like this is really admitting that my baby boy isn't here anymore. At the moment, I think living in the limbo I have created is my saving grace. He is still here. To me, he is here with me. But tomorrow he wont be. Tomorrow, my son is gone. Owen is gone.
I know that by putting him in the memorial garden, he will be laid to rest. Other people will be able to go to see him and talk to him.
I just don't know. I am not ready to really except that this is really real. Maybe on some level I am still in shock. I don't know. I just don't know.
Why does every step have to be so dam hard. Why can't we just have our babies like we are suppose to. Why do they have to get taken away. I will never understand, I dont' want to understand. It's not right that we and other baby lost mama's have to go thru this..
Melissa - I will be thinking of you and your precious, Owen. A year later and we still have Nicholas at home with us. I can't bare to think about him not "with" us anymore. I think he may stay next to my be forever.
ReplyDeleteYou do what feels right for you and your family. There are no rules. No one wrote a book about how to deal with our grief... we just figure it out as we go along.
Strength to you
It's not right that we have to go through this. We buried our girls soon after losing them. Although I like being able to visit their grave, I also wish at times I could always have them with me. What if we move to another town or are too busy one day to go see them?? Like Lea siad, you know what feels right to you...follow your heart. I will be thinking of you and your precious owen. xx
ReplyDeleteOh Honey, I hope you were ok today! I have had you on my mind xxxx
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