Ok, so I am fucken angry at the moment.. Well that and hurt beyone belief.
I just came home and on my way home I decided to visit my boy. I miss him and was already feeling sad today. It's been a hard, crying day.
Get home and I have a letter waiting from me. From the Hospital. From what I can tell it is a copy of "notes" from Owen's autopsy results. I summary if you will for my GP.
So I'm sitting here reading it, crying. And the I come to this paragraph, and I quote:
"Melissa asked if earlier delivery would have saved Owen's life. The obvious answer is yes, but this is easy in hindsight"
So now, I sit here, balling my eyes out, thinking about it all. I just don't understand. I feel numb all over again
i want to try to keep this really polite out of respect for Owen and you all but hun it's killing me - that is the single biggest load of bull i have have ever had the displeasure of reading - my god how can they even come to that conclusion????
ReplyDeletei am so sorry hun :( this is not your fault - now that is easy for me to sit and say as i can imagine the guilt that must consume you daily and the second guessing you already do to yourself but for the love of god they have NO way of knowing that would have done anything at all, none.
Oh Melissa I am so sorry you had to read that letter. I can only imagine what you are feeling as none of my guilt can be confirmed. I wish I could take it all away and give you back your sweet Owen. Thinking of you and wishing for peace to come your way. xx
ReplyDeleteMelissa I don't believe for one second that this is your fault. I can not believe that you would put Owen at risk the hospitals these days are so set on the rule they are given that they have lost all sense of compassion and this letter should not have been sent to you I'm sorry that you had to read something like you are a wonderfully kind and generous person and do not deserve this just remember that what anybody says to you Owen knows that this was not your fault
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs Always Amanda xxxx
Melissa how horrible to have that letter sent to you. The hospital can only make a prediction of what may have happened - they have no idea. Remember when Owen came through with the psychic and she said he was sick and would only be with you a short while.
ReplyDeleteYou did NOTHING wrong xx
Melissa - this is horribly insensitive, not to mention so totally wrong. To know that you would be reading this report and including something so heinous, is disgusting!
ReplyDeleteI feel guilt every single day too... it comes with the territory, but please know that you did everything you felt was best for Owen. You love him, he knows it.
xo