I just received Owen's death Certificate in the mail. what a blow this is.. I feel numb. I think I do. I dont know how I feel.
I have just read it, and FUCK...
I don't understand. If we haven't got the results of the autopsy left, how can they write what his cause of Death is???
because right now, after reading the certificate. I really feel like its' my fault. I already felt enough guilt. but now... I can't even talk...
it basically says the reason is post dates, meconium liquor and planned homebirth with precious history of 2 previous caesarean sections...
so basically my baby boy isn't in my arms because of ME!!!!!!!! I feel sick to my stomach...........
Oh Mel. I dont understand either how they can write the cause of death but also I dont understand why there is a death certificate? We only got a birth certificate.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, those words dont say it was your fault sweetie, the decisions you made were with your sons best interests at heart and with the information/advice you were given. A mother can not do any more than that. Write down the questions that come up from this and wait for the autopsy report, what you have doesn't give you enough info. Thinking of you xxxxxx
Hey Mel, I have been thinking about this more and you know, that is so ridiculous saying the cause of death was those things. Post dates and homebirth after 2 c-sects is NOT a reason for death, how ridiculous. This is just crazy that they can be so haphazard about what is written on there, how bloody insensitive. Hugs sweetheart xx
ReplyDeletePeople have no idea. They are uncertain of the cause of death, without the autopsy they can never be sure... so they should leave it blank.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you lovely lady. xx
I agree with Kristalee, I just can't believe that a "planned homebirth with precious history of 2 previous caesarean sections" is a cause of death. It might be a mitigating factor, but it wasn't what caused Owen's death.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the strength, I would pursue this issue.
But mostly, don't blame yourself. As you have previously said, Owen still had a heart beat when you got to hospital. Owen didn't die just because of the decision you made (to homebirth), and you did go to hospital for help.
Take care, this is a tough road you (and Kristalee) are going down right now. xx
oh sweetheart it is far from your fault :( these are not reasons for Owen to not be in your arms right now :(
ReplyDelete