Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow we find out what the hospital found as to why our little boy couldn't stay with us.
To say I am scared, would be an understatement.
I know people keep telling me that you can't worry about the 'what if's', but in truth. That is something that I can't stop. I don't think anyone could or would be able to stop thinking this way.
What happens if they found out that his reason for dieing was something that was in my control to change. It is possible that they could have found something to indicate this. I am so so scared that it could happen. I already feel guilty enough that I wasn't able to protect Owen and bring him into this world safely. That is my job as a mother and I failed. I failed in my job in the worst possible way. My son isn't here, and that is something that will live with me for the rest of my life.
Mel, I can't begin to know how hard everything you are going through is at the moment. I try to imagine, and my heart hurts for you. Please know I will be thinking of you tomorrow. xo
ReplyDeleteWill be thinking of you tomorrow.xo
ReplyDeleteMel I will be keeping you and hubby in my thoughts tomorrow xx
ReplyDeleteMel, I cannot even begin to imagine how you are feeling at the moment. Please know that you will be in my thoughts tomorrow, I am sending you all the strength I have to help you get through this.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know that telling you not to feel guilty is not going to help because the guilt is so bound up in the grief - it is so hard to separate the two out. But I know that I would've died if it meant Emma could've lived and I can tell from your writing that you would've done the same for Owen. I try to remind myself that if love could've saved our babies, they certainly would be here. I hope that tomorrow brings a tiny share of peace not an extra burden of heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteMel, you and your family have been in my thoughts all day today. I hope you are ok. Much love from us xxxx
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