What a horrible couple of days. Tuesday night I felt like I "might" be coming down with something, but thought nothing more about it. Than yesterday was like I was hit by a bus. My ears itch, my troat is dry and scratchy, my heard hurts and I just hurt all over in general. Emotionally and physically..
So yesterday hubby gets home from getting the kids from school, and I pass out. I couldn't see out of one eye and I just started spinning out. I slept all afternoon right thru till this morning, and I still feel exhausted.
I've also been thinking about Owen alot. I dreamt about him alot last night. It felt so real. I didn't want to wake up. We were so happy and having lots and lots of cuddles and kisses.
I had to a Makeup job on this afternoon. The only reason I was able to go really, is because nobody there knew I was pregnant or that I had Owen. And as much as that hurts to not be talking about him, I find I can't yet, not to people I dont' see much or at a job. I don't want to break down infront of people, even strangers. I guess you could say I have a couple of hours to take a step out of reality for a while. It hurts, it sucks, I feel guilty and I hate that I did it, but I did.
Should things still be like this now? Shouldn't things be getting easier by now? Should I be in a different place? I dont know. All I know is it f&#king hurts. ALOT.
Oh Melissa, your loss is still so new. It took me 4 months before I felt the tiniest bit normal. It still hurts me everyday, I still cry everyday. Give yourself time. Slowly things will get better and you will be able to do some on the things you used to do all while Owen lives in your heart. xx
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