I was just sitting here thinking, and you know what. Owen was born on the 8th August 09 at 11.42pm. And ever since he was born I have not gone to bed before this time.
I dont know why, maybe I feel like I need to be up at this time to feel him, to feel like he's still here. I don't know..
Every night, I write in my journal, grab his blanket that he was wrapped in and cuddle up to it, wish him goodnight and lie there wide awake until that clock ticks over and than wait. Wait for sleep to take over, wait for my dreams to come. Only now, my dreams are of Owen. Of me being in labour, and me birthing him, and of my sweet beautiful little boy being placed in my arms by his daddy, and me not understanding what had happened, and why, WHY, was he taken away from us?
Why?...........
We will never know why Mel. It is so unfair. I don't have the right words but I want you to know I am reading and thinking of you and these words which hurt so much for you to write are being read and not just disappearing off into cyberspace xx
ReplyDeleteSweetie, the ritual you have is so important. There is no reason why he was taken from you, it's unfair, it's wrong, its downright crap, you should be holding him in your arms, not just in your dreams. I really am thinking of you every day Mel
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