I have been in tears most of the day. I have felt constantly sick for the last 2 days. Just this never ending feeling in my stomach and feeling like I need to be sick.
We went to the crematorium today to hand in what we want written on Owen's plaque. It was so hard. I cried all the way there. It was hard to leave the house but I had to do it. For Owen. I got to pick up his ashes, as I wanted to bring him home and have him here with me for a while. We bought a beautiful pewter urn with a little teddy bear on it for him. And I carried him home. This is the first time he has been home since he was born. How wrong is that. The first time he comes home is nearly a month later and he's not safely tucked in our arms. alive.....
We organised to have his hand and foot mouldings done with twinkle toes, and I had to go there today also to pick things out. I got to see his beautiful little hands and feet again. My heart broke. They are so tiny. His little hand mouldings even have his long nails in them. He had such long nails when he was born.
We went to centrelink today to get that paperwork handed in. It's just the absolute last thing you want to do when you loose your child. It was awful. Thank god my husband was with me for all of this..
I know I say it all the time. But I just wish I had my little boy. I miss him so much. xxxxxxx
WHY WHY WHY????
No comments:
Post a Comment