Ok. So I'm just going to be perfectly honest. Some might not understand, but I just need to get this down and out. I'm not even sure if I'll make sense, but, like I said. I need to get it out.
Having a baby came up today. Mainly a conversation with my mum tonight is playing on my mind now. I can't even sit here and read my book now, as I have read the same page over and over thinking about this conversation.
I'm not sure how it came up but it did and we got started talking about us having another child. My mum wants me to wait and spend some time with the kids and as a family before we have another child. And while that is all well and good for her to have her opinion and I love her dearly(don't get me wrong, she has been amazing support), I don't agree. I mean it's not like we are going to get pregnant next week and have a baby next month or anything(impossible and slight exageration, I know). To me we will be doing this and are doing this anyway. We always spend time together and do things together, that "reason" doesn't seem right to me. My thinking is that if we are meant to have another baby and there is another little soul that has already chosen us and is just waiting, then it will happen. It will know when the time is right and things will happen when its meant to (well at least this is what I think, and have to believe) I have questioned all my beliefs alot over the last few weeks, but this one, I can't let go of.
I don't need to hear people telling me, "Maybe you should wait and take some time before having another baby". I know my mind, I know my body. I know when the time is and will be right. I am not rushing into anything and doing something crazy. I love Owen with all my heart and no child or baby or anything can or will EVER replace him. I hope he knows that. This isn't about replacing him. Not at all. I just feel like my journey isn't finished yet. I dont' feel finished. I think if Owen had have been here with me now, I would still want another baby anyway. thats just me, I love kids, but I know I will have to stop. eventually....
I feel guilty for even thinking about this yet, but I just can't help these thoughts.
Anyway, I just wanted to get this down and if your reading this Owen. Mummy loves you so much. We all do. I hope your happy, and please know that I think about you all the time and you will never be replaced. You will always be my beautiful baby boy. And one day, we will meet again and I will give you the biggest and bestest cuddles and kisses EVER xxxxxxx I love you
You made perfect sense Mel and just wanted to say that I hear you. I hear the point you are making. You will just have to do what works for you and your hubby - no baby born 9 months from now or 9 years will ever replace your beautiful Owen
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You're right Mel, it is a decision that only you and Adam can make. I do understand where your mum is coming from as I have had this conversation with my own family and they feel the same as your mum. I guess they can see that the next pregnancy is going to be the scariest rollercoaster ride you've ever been on and it is going to take strength to get through that and it may take a bit of time to build that strength back up again, you know. BUT saying this, you know your own strength and, as you say, you will know when the time is right for another pregnancy, others opinions on this dont really factor into that decision.
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