I feel like I am in a constant state of Limbo. My life doesn't seem real. I mean, I am here, and living and with my family and friends, but there is a part of me thats missing.
Everytime I do something or try to go somewhere, I feel like I have left something behind. I am constantly checking my pockets, my bag, behind me. Something is missing.....
I think I sometimes still think I am pregnant. It's the only reason I can come up with as to why Owen isn't here with me. This can't be real. What sort of world do we live in when our children leave this place before we do. It's not right.
I find everytime I try to eat something (which isn't often). I am constantly thinking, no I can't have that, that won't be good it could have listeria. I sometimes feel like I can feel kicking in my belly too. It's so bizarre. I even find myself sitting forward and re-adjusting my sitting position like I did when I was pregnant so Owen was in a good position.
And than it all comes flooding back. I don't have my baby here with me. THIS is my life now, THIS is my reality. ......
I feel guilty every time I have wine or champagne or a coffee, it is weird remembering that it is ok to have that stuff again, same with the food. I get the whole thing of feeling like something is missing too, it's like living in a parallel universe, such a weird feeling.
ReplyDeleteI cant get the images from your dream out of my head. I just love it. I think it was you that said 'if they cant be here with us, it is comforting to think that at least they have each other.'